By Halloween. Miya wants to be a chef again — the same costume as last year, but bigger, because she is bigger. Barbara sent a new chef's hat. I provided the apron. Miya added a wooden spoon and a determined expression and she marched up to doors and said, "Trick or treat, I am a chef!" and the neighbors gave her candy and complimented the commitment, and I stood on the sidewalk in the Portland rain and watched my daughter be exactly who she is, without apology or caveat, just: I am a chef. Full stop.
I made kabocha lanterns — small kabocha squash carved into jack-o-lanterns, a Japanese-American hybrid holiday that exists only in my kitchen. After carving, I roasted the kabocha flesh into a soup. Nothing wasted. The lanterns glowed on the apartment steps and the soup glowed in the bowl and the two glowings were the same impulse: to make something beautiful from something ordinary, to transform a vegetable into both decoration and sustenance, to do two things at once with one ingredient. This is my whole life: doing two things at once with one ingredient. The ingredient is me.
Brian took Miya trick-or-treating in his neighborhood too, the next night. She came home with two bags of candy and the report that "Daddy's street has better candy but Mama's street has better pumpkins." The diplomatic assessment of a child who is already learning to honor both households without choosing. She is four. She is already a diplomat. I wrote this down because someday she will need to know that she handled the divorce better than either of her parents did, and the evidence should be preserved.
I visited Ken in Sacramento — a quick weekend trip, the first since the separation. Ken's condo was as I remembered: sparse, clean, Japanese vegetables in the refrigerator, books stacked neatly. He has aged since I last saw him — the pandemic has aged everyone, but Ken's aging has a specificity: the tremor in his left hand is more pronounced, the word-finding pauses longer. He made miso soup for me. His miso soup. It was better than last time. Not good, exactly, but approaching good, the way a runner approaches a finish line: with effort, with determination, with the certainty that the line exists even if it has not yet been crossed.
The kabocha soup was already made, the lanterns already glowing on the steps, and Miya had already marched home with two bags of candy and a diplomatic verdict — so the night called for one more thing, something small and warm and dusted in spice, the kind of thing you make not because anyone asked but because the kitchen is still fragrant and the impulse to transform is not yet finished. These baked pumpkin spice donut holes are that thing: the last flicker of the evening, golden and unhurried, the lantern after the lantern goes dark.
Baked Pumpkin Spice Donut Holes
Prep Time: 15 min | Cook Time: 12 min | Total Time: 27 min | Servings: 24 donut holes
Ingredients
- 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
- 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
- 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
- 1 1/2 teaspoons pumpkin pie spice
- 1/4 teaspoon salt
- 1/2 cup pumpkin puree (not pumpkin pie filling)
- 1/3 cup granulated sugar
- 1/4 cup brown sugar, packed
- 1/3 cup buttermilk
- 1 large egg
- 3 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- For the coating:
- 4 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted
- 1/2 cup granulated sugar
- 1 teaspoon cinnamon
- 1/2 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice
Instructions
- Preheat and prep. Preheat oven to 350°F. Grease a 24-cup mini muffin tin generously with nonstick spray.
- Mix dry ingredients. In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder, baking soda, pumpkin pie spice, and salt until evenly combined.
- Mix wet ingredients. In a separate large bowl, whisk together pumpkin puree, granulated sugar, brown sugar, buttermilk, egg, melted butter, and vanilla extract until smooth.
- Combine. Add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients and fold gently with a spatula until just combined. Do not overmix — a few small lumps are fine.
- Fill and bake. Divide the batter evenly among the 24 mini muffin cups, filling each about 3/4 full. Bake for 10–12 minutes, until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean and the tops spring back lightly when touched.
- Make the coating. While the donut holes bake, stir together the granulated sugar, cinnamon, and pumpkin pie spice in a small bowl. Melt the remaining butter in a separate small bowl.
- Coat while warm. Let the donut holes cool for 3–4 minutes, then remove from the pan. Working quickly while still warm, dip each donut hole in melted butter and roll in the spiced sugar mixture to coat. Set on a wire rack.
- Serve. Serve warm or at room temperature. They are best the day they’re made, while the coating is still crisp.
Nutrition (per serving)
Calories: 98 | Protein: 1g | Fat: 4g | Carbs: 15g | Fiber: 0g | Sodium: 72mg