Butter and Garlic Shrimp Penne

Memorial Day weekend. Terrell took the kids. I said yes because Vanessa was right — I need a break and he needs to remember what parenting feels like when it's not a two-hour restaurant visit.

He picked them up Friday afternoon. Pulled up in a Mercedes that I could smell the new leather on from the porch. Marcus was excited — he always gets excited when Terrell shows up, which is the cruelest part, the way a child can love someone who shows up thirty percent of the time as much as they love the parent who shows up a hundred. Jasmine was quieter. She hugged me extra long and whispered, "I'll be back soon, Mama." This child. This nine-year-old woman. She parents ME sometimes.

I had two and a half days alone. Do you know what that's like for a single mother? Two and a half days with no one to feed, no homework to check, no bedtime to enforce? I stood in my kitchen Friday night at 7 PM with no one to cook for and had a small existential crisis about who I am when I'm not feeding someone.

Saturday I went to Mama's. Without the kids, it was different — quieter, more honest. Mama and I sat on the porch and she told me things she doesn't say when the grandchildren are around. That the chemo makes her feel like she's been hollowed out. That she's afraid of what happens when her hair falls out. That she watches Daddy sleeping at night and wonders what he'll do without her, and that worrying about Curtis hurts worse than the cancer. I held her hand and didn't cry because she needed me to be the strong one and I am always the strong one and sometimes I wonder who decided that and whether I can file an appeal.

I made us lunch — shrimp and grits, the fancy kind, with cheese grits and garlic butter shrimp that I learned from a recipe on the internet and adapted with Mama's seasoning. She ate almost all of it. She said, "When did you get this good?" and I said, "I had a good teacher," and she said, "Damn right." It was the most Brenda thing she'd said in weeks. I clung to it.

Sunday I went to church alone. Sang in the choir. Cried during "His Eye Is on the Sparrow" again. I'm developing a Pavlovian response to that hymn. Sister Gloria caught me after service and said, "How are you, baby?" and I said, "Fine," and she looked at me the way only old church ladies can — the look that says, I know you're lying and I'm going to let you lie because you need to, but I see you. She pressed a twenty-dollar bill into my hand and said, "Get yourself something sweet." I used it to buy a pint of ice cream that I ate on the couch while watching a movie that I chose, with a remote that no one fought me for, in a house that was silent. It was the best twenty dollars anyone has ever spent on me.

Terrell brought the kids back Monday evening. Marcus was buzzing with stories about Terrell's apartment and Terrell's big TV and Terrell's girlfriend (new one — shocking) who makes smoothies. Jasmine said she missed me and could I make cornbread. I made cornbread. The world reassembled itself around the sizzle of batter in a hot skillet, and I was a mother again instead of a woman eating ice cream alone on a couch, and both of those things are real and both of those things are me.

The shrimp and grits I made Mama that Saturday came from the same instinct that drives everything I cook — the need to say something I don’t have words for. I’ve made garlic butter shrimp so many times now that it lives in my hands, and if you don’t have stone-ground grits or the time for all of that, this butter and garlic shrimp penne gives you the same warmth, the same richness, the same feeling of being cared for. It’s the dish I come back to when I need to feed someone I love — or when I finally remember to feed myself.

Prep Time: 10 minutes | Cook Time: 20 minutes | Total Time: 30 minutes | Servings: 4

Ingredients

12 oz penne pasta
1 lb large shrimp, peeled and deveined
4 tablespoons unsalted butter, divided
5 cloves garlic, minced
1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes
1/2 teaspoon smoked paprika
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt, plus more for pasta water
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/2 cup dry white wine or low-sodium chicken broth
1/2 cup reserved pasta water
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
1/4 cup fresh parsley, chopped
1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese, for serving

Instructions

Cook the pasta. Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil. Cook penne according to package directions until al dente. Before draining, reserve 1/2 cup of pasta water. Drain and set aside.
Season the shrimp. Pat shrimp dry with paper towels. In a bowl, toss shrimp with smoked paprika, salt, and black pepper until evenly coated.
Sear the shrimp. Melt 2 tablespoons of butter in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Add shrimp in a single layer and cook 1–2 minutes per side until pink and just cooked through. Transfer shrimp to a plate and set aside.
Build the sauce. Reduce heat to medium. Add remaining 2 tablespoons of butter to the same skillet. Add garlic and red pepper flakes and cook, stirring constantly, for about 1 minute until fragrant but not browned.
Deglaze the pan. Pour in white wine (or chicken broth) and lemon juice. Stir to scrape up any browned bits from the bottom of the pan. Let simmer for 2–3 minutes until slightly reduced.
Combine everything. Add the drained penne to the skillet and toss to coat. Add reserved pasta water a little at a time until the sauce reaches your desired consistency. Return shrimp to the pan and toss gently to combine.
Finish and serve. Remove from heat. Stir in fresh parsley. Divide among bowls and top with grated Parmesan. Serve immediately.

Nutrition (per serving)

Butter and Garlic Shrimp Penne — The Lunch I Made My Mama When Words Weren’t Enough