By The first week of January 2021. The year begins without celebration, without resolution, without the forward-looking hopefulness that January usually carries. January is not forward-looking this year. January is watchful. January is the month of watching my mother, watching the bowl, watching the spoonfuls decrease, watching the naps lengthen, watching the woman who taught me everything become the woman I am trying to teach to eat.
Mom stopped directing. That's the thing that changed this week — not a dramatic change, not a collapse, but an absence. She stopped correcting my pie crust. She stopped timing the rolls. She stopped saying "more frosting." The silence where the corrections used to be is the loudest absence I've ever heard, louder than the silence of the farm after it sold, louder than the silence of the cornfield in winter. The correction was the proof of engagement, the evidence that she was still in the kitchen even when she was at the table, still teaching even when she was sitting. The corrections stopped. The engagement didn't stop — she still sits, still watches, still holds the cup of tea that Roger makes too strong — but the teaching stopped, and the teaching was the engine, and the engine is quieting.
I made broth. Just broth. Chicken bones simmered for twelve hours with onion and celery and garlic and a bay leaf, strained through cheesecloth, golden and clear and warm. The simplest thing. The most reduced form of feeding — not a meal, not even a soup, just the essence of food, the liquid that remains when you cook everything else away. She drank a cup. She held it in both hands. She closed her eyes. The broth went in and the warmth spread and she said nothing and the nothing was thank you.
Roger sits closer. Every day, closer. The chairs in the kitchen have migrated toward each other over the weeks, pulled by a gravity that is grief in advance, anticipatory loss made physical, two chairs moving together because the people in them know that the time between them is measured in something smaller than months now, smaller than weeks, and the measurement is heartbeats and the heartbeats are counted and the counted things are precious and the precious things are simple: a chair. A table. A cup of tea. A hand on a hand. The kitchen. The quiet. The here.
The broth was for Mom —twelve hours of simmering, strained gold, held in both hands. But I still had to eat, and Roger still had to eat, and there were evenings that week when I needed something that felt like a real meal without asking too much of me. This Chicken Caesar Salad became that thing: familiar enough to make without thinking, substantial enough to feel like I’d fed myself properly, and simple enough that I could put it together while keeping one ear turned toward the other room. It was the meal I made for the living, on the days the broth was for her.
Chicken Caesar Salad
Prep Time: 15 min | Cook Time: 15 min | Total Time: 30 min | Servings: 4
Ingredients
- 2 large boneless, skinless chicken breasts
- 1 tablespoon olive oil
- 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
- 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
- 1/4 teaspoon black pepper
- 2 large romaine hearts, chopped (about 8 cups)
- 1/2 cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese
- 1 cup croutons
- 1/2 cup Caesar dressing (store-bought or homemade)
- 1 lemon, cut into wedges, for serving
Instructions
- Season the chicken. Pat chicken breasts dry and rub both sides with olive oil, garlic powder, salt, and pepper.
- Cook the chicken. Heat a skillet or grill pan over medium-high heat. Cook chicken 6–7 minutes per side until golden and cooked through (internal temperature 165°F). Transfer to a cutting board and rest for 5 minutes.
- Slice. Slice chicken on the bias into strips or bite-sized pieces.
- Assemble the salad. In a large bowl, toss chopped romaine with Caesar dressing until evenly coated. Add half the Parmesan and toss again.
- Top and serve. Divide dressed romaine among plates. Top each with sliced chicken, croutons, and remaining Parmesan. Serve with a lemon wedge on the side.
Nutrition (per serving)
Calories: 320 | Protein: 31g | Fat: 16g | Carbs: 12g | Fiber: 2g | Sodium: 620mg