By The first full week back. Five days. I survived five days of leaving Elijah with Mama and going to work and cleaning teeth in a face shield and pumping in the bathroom and driving home and making dinner and feeding the baby and feeding the bigger kids and falling asleep at 9 PM on a couch that smells like formula and determination. Friday: the dumplings. Earline's chicken and dumplings, pulled from the freezer, reheated, served to three children and one exhausted woman who had MADE IT. Five days. The dumplings were the trophy. The dumplings tasted like victory and butter and the stubbornness of a woman who refuses to stop.
Chloe starts third grade — wait, she's going into fourth grade. She was in third grade last year, remote for the second half. She starts fourth grade next week. Remote. Still remote. The school announced: virtual learning for the fall semester. Chloe's face when I told her — the collapse, the disappointment, the quiet rage of an eight-year-old (turning nine in February) who wants to be IN school, not ON school. She said: "I want to see Mrs. Calloway." She's not in Mrs. Calloway's class anymore — she'll have a new teacher, a Mrs. Odom — but the wanting is for the place, not the person. The wanting is for the building, the hallway, the book corner, the smell of floor wax. The wanting is for normal. I can't give her normal. The world can't give her normal. All I can give her is a Chromebook and a kitchen table and the promise that this won't last forever. (I don't know if that's true. I say it anyway. Parents lie about timelines because the alternative — "I don't know when" — is a weight no child should carry.)
Jayden starts kindergarten next week. KINDERGARTEN. Remote. My five-year-old is starting kindergarten on a screen in his living room instead of in a classroom with a cubby and a teacher and Diego. The cruelty of this is specific and sharp: Jayden is a kinetic learner. He learns by TOUCHING. By RUNNING. By BUILDING. A screen is the opposite of everything Jayden needs. But the screen is what we have. The screen and the fire helmet and the mother who will sit next to him and translate the screen into something a five-year-old can hold.
Terrence visited this weekend — Elijah's first real father-son weekend since the birth. He arrived Friday night, held the baby Saturday morning, changed diapers, did the 2 AM feeding (I slept — actual sleep, six consecutive hours, the most I've slept since June, a luxury so profound it felt like a vacation). He left Sunday and the apartment deflated. Every time he visits, the apartment inflates — fuller, warmer, more — and every time he leaves, it deflates. The inflation/deflation cycle is the rhythm of co-parenting. You get used to it. You don't get over it.
I made sloppy Joes. Because Jayden asked for them. Because the boy who's about to start kindergarten on a screen wants sloppy Joes for dinner and I will make him whatever he wants because the world is taking enough from him right now and a mother's job is to give back what the world takes. Sloppy Joes. Extra sloppy. Jayden ate two. Elijah slept through it. Chloe read while eating (multitasking at nine — she's efficient). The table was full. The Joes were sloppy. Everything was both terrible and exactly right.
Jayden asked for sloppy Joes, and when a five-year-old who’s about to start kindergarten on a screen in his living room asks you for something — anything — you say yes without hesitation. This Chili Dog Sauce is the spirit of that dinner: simple, saucy, deeply satisfying ground beef that you pile onto whatever bread you have, let the kids eat with both hands, and call it a win. I made it extra sloppy. He ate two. That’s the whole story.
Chili Dog Sauce
Prep Time: 10 min | Cook Time: 25 min | Total Time: 35 min | Servings: 6
Ingredients
- 1 lb ground beef
- 1/2 cup onion, finely chopped
- 2 cloves garlic, minced
- 1 can (8 oz) tomato sauce
- 2 tablespoons ketchup
- 1 tablespoon yellow mustard
- 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
- 1 teaspoon chili powder
- 1/2 teaspoon cumin
- 1/4 teaspoon black pepper
- 1/4 teaspoon salt
- 1/4 teaspoon red pepper flakes (optional)
- Hot dog or hamburger buns, for serving
Instructions
- Brown the beef. In a large skillet over medium-high heat, cook the ground beef, breaking it up with a spoon, until no longer pink, about 7–8 minutes. Drain excess fat.
- Soften the aromatics. Add the chopped onion to the skillet and cook with the beef over medium heat until softened, about 4 minutes. Stir in the garlic and cook 1 minute more.
- Build the sauce. Stir in the tomato sauce, ketchup, mustard, and Worcestershire sauce until well combined.
- Season and simmer. Add the chili powder, cumin, black pepper, salt, and red pepper flakes if using. Stir to combine. Reduce heat to low and simmer uncovered for 12–15 minutes, stirring occasionally, until the sauce thickens and flavors meld.
- Serve. Spoon generously over buns — the sloppier the better. Serve immediately.
Nutrition (per serving)
Calories: 280 | Protein: 18g | Fat: 14g | Carbs: 18g | Fiber: 1g | Sodium: 520mg