By Halloween came off without incident. Josie made a haul. Amelia Earhart won "best costume" on our block from an unofficial committee of neighbors that I believe consists only of Mr. Hagen, but a win is a win. Tyler walked her and her friends for two hours and reported afterward that sixth-grade girls talk faster than is thermodynamically possible. Justin came home at 11 from the party looking tired but clearly fine, and Amber fell asleep on the couch with her library book open on her chest and a half-eaten Snickers in her hand. I ate the Snickers. I covered her with the quilt. I went to bed.
November 3rd was Wednesday. Nine years. Nine years since Darla. I was on the road — a Grand Island to Lincoln run, the kind of day-trip I used to think would keep me safe on this anniversary because the shorter the trip the fewer hours for thoughts — but there are no safe days. There are just days. I pulled over at the rest stop outside Aurora at 11:30 a.m. and I sat in the cab and I called Gayle. Gayle picked up on the first ring. She said, "I know what day it is, Brenda." I said, "I know, Ma." We did not cry. We did not say Darla's name. We said, "I love you," which is not a thing Novak women say out loud very often, but we said it to each other that day, and then we hung up. I sat in the cab for another fifteen minutes. Then I drove to Lincoln and delivered a refrigerated load and drove home and I made chocolate sheet cake because that is what I do on the third of November. Amber ate two pieces. Justin ate one piece. Tyler ate one piece. Josie ate half a piece and asked if she could save the rest for tomorrow. Dave ate none — he doesn't eat the sheet cake on November 3. He never has. He knows whose cake it is. He eats it every other day of the year.
Cookbook at seventy-five thousand. Draft complete. I did not put the word DRAFT COMPLETE at the end of the file, because that felt like inviting the universe to smite me, but the file is done. All chapters. All 75,012 words. I printed the whole thing at the library Saturday (our home printer is not up to that job) and I spent nine dollars and carried home a paper stack three inches thick and I put it on my desk and stared at it for a long time. It is a book. It is a book by me. I can see the exact shape of it.
Drove to Columbus Friday. Ate a truck stop sandwich. Called Dave from the cab and said, "The draft is done." He said, "I know. I saw the printer receipt." I said, "You always know." He said, "I try." He does. He really does.
The sheet cake on November 3rd is Darla’s—it always has been, it always will be, and Dave understands that without me having to say it. But the rest of the year, when Josie asks for something chocolatey and I don’t have two hours or the emotional weight to give that cake its proper due, these Chocolate Peanut Butter Grahams are what I reach for. They come together fast, they travel well in a cab, and every single one of my kids will eat them without complaint—which, if you’ve met my kids, you know is not nothing.
Chocolate Peanut Butter Grahams
Prep Time: 10 min | Cook Time: 5 min | Total Time: 15 min (plus 30 min chilling) | Servings: 24
Ingredients
- 24 whole graham cracker squares
- 1 cup creamy peanut butter
- 3 tablespoons powdered sugar
- 1 tablespoon unsalted butter, softened
- 1 1/2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips
- 1 tablespoon vegetable shortening or coconut oil
- Flaky sea salt, for topping (optional)
Instructions
- Prepare the filling. In a small bowl, stir together the peanut butter, powdered sugar, and softened butter until smooth and well combined.
- Assemble the sandwiches. Spread a heaping teaspoon of the peanut butter mixture onto one graham cracker square, then press a second square on top to form a sandwich. Repeat with remaining crackers and filling. Place assembled sandwiches on a parchment-lined baking sheet.
- Melt the chocolate. Combine the chocolate chips and shortening in a microwave-safe bowl. Microwave in 30-second intervals, stirring between each, until fully melted and smooth, about 1 1/2 to 2 minutes total.
- Dip or drizzle. Either dip each sandwich halfway into the melted chocolate, letting the excess drip off, or use a spoon to drizzle chocolate generously over the tops. Return each piece to the lined baking sheet.
- Add salt and chill. Sprinkle lightly with flaky sea salt if using. Refrigerate for at least 30 minutes, until the chocolate is fully set.
- Serve. Serve cold or at room temperature. Store in an airtight container in the refrigerator for up to one week—if they last that long.
Nutrition (per serving)
Calories: 148 | Protein: 3g | Fat: 9g | Carbs: 15g | Fiber: 1g | Sodium: 95mg