Cilantro-Pepita Pesto with Squash Ribbons and Fettuccine

The equinox approaches and the daylight is retreating — a minute or two each day, barely noticeable unless you are the kind of person who notices everything, which I am, because anxiety is the world's most attentive observer. I notice the light changing. I notice the angle of the sun on the kitchen counter shifting southward. I notice Miya's shadow on the floor getting longer in the afternoon. These are the things that mark time for me: not clock time but kitchen time, measured in light and shadow and the angle of the sun on a cutting board.

I made roasted delicata squash with miso butter and pepitas — a fall dish that has become a blog favorite. Delicata is the most user-friendly squash: thin skin you do not have to peel, sweet flesh, pretty scalloped edges when sliced into half-moons. Roasted with miso butter — a mixture of white miso, butter, and a little maple syrup — it caramelizes into something magnificent. The miso makes it savory. The maple makes it sweet. The squash does the rest. I wrote about it for the blog and the comments were enthusiastic and numerous, which tells me fall is when my readers are most engaged, because fall is when everyone wants to cook.

I have been journaling every night after Miya goes to bed. The journal is becoming a second book — not a published book, but a book of the self, a record of the things I cannot say out loud. I write about Brian. About the four beers. About the distance. About the feeling that we are two people living parallel lives in the same apartment, intersecting at meals and bedtime and nowhere else. I write about the marriage the way I write about food: with specificity, with attention, with the understanding that the details are where the truth lives. The truth is: I am lonely in my own home. The truth is: four beers every night is a pattern, and patterns do not change unless someone names them, and I have not named this one out loud. The journal holds what I cannot say. The journal is patient.

Fumiko called to ask about the published essay. She wants to read it. I am mailing her a copy. She will read it and find something to critique — the phrasing, the memory, the fact that I described her apartment as "small" when she considers it "efficient." This is how we love. Critique is the currency. Precision is the affection.

The delicata squash I wrote about above — sweet, thin-skinned, honest — is also what I reach for when I want something that feels like more than a side dish. This pasta came together on one of those long, dim evenings when Miya was asleep and the journal was closed and I just needed to cook something beautiful and eat it alone at the counter. The pepitas echo what I had roasted earlier; the cilantro pesto brings brightness to a season that keeps going darker. It is the kind of meal you make for yourself when you are learning, slowly, that feeding yourself well is also a form of naming things out loud.

Prep Time: 20 min | Cook Time: 25 min | Total Time: 45 min | Servings: 4

Ingredients

12 oz fettuccine
1 medium delicata squash, halved lengthwise, seeded, and sliced into thin ribbons with a vegetable peeler
2 tablespoons olive oil, divided
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt, plus more for pasta water
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/2 cup raw pepitas (pumpkin seeds), divided
1 cup fresh cilantro leaves and tender stems, packed
1/4 cup fresh flat-leaf parsley leaves
1 small garlic clove
2 tablespoons fresh lime juice
1/4 cup grated Parmesan, plus more for serving
3–4 tablespoons olive oil (for pesto)
Pinch of red pepper flakes (optional)

Instructions

Toast the pepitas. Heat a dry skillet over medium heat. Add the pepitas and toast, stirring frequently, for 3–4 minutes until golden and starting to pop. Remove from heat and let cool. Set aside 2 tablespoons for garnish.
Roast the squash ribbons. Preheat oven to 425°F. Toss the delicata squash ribbons with 1 tablespoon olive oil, salt, and pepper. Spread on a rimmed baking sheet in a single layer. Roast for 15–18 minutes, flipping once, until tender and lightly caramelized at the edges.
Cook the pasta. Bring a large pot of well-salted water to a boil. Cook fettuccine according to package directions until al dente. Reserve 3/4 cup pasta water before draining.
Make the cilantro-pepita pesto. In a food processor, combine the cilantro, parsley, garlic, lime juice, Parmesan, the remaining toasted pepitas, and a pinch of red pepper flakes if using. Pulse several times to combine. With the machine running, drizzle in 3 tablespoons olive oil until a loose paste forms. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Thin with the remaining tablespoon of olive oil if needed.
Toss and finish. In the empty pasta pot or a large bowl, toss the drained fettuccine with the cilantro-pepita pesto, adding pasta water a few tablespoons at a time until the sauce coats the noodles and moves freely. Gently fold in most of the roasted squash ribbons.
Serve. Divide among bowls. Top each portion with the remaining squash ribbons, the reserved toasted pepitas, and additional Parmesan. Serve immediately.

Nutrition (per serving)

Cilantro-Pepita Pesto with Squash Ribbons and Fettuccine — The Fall Dish That Holds Everything Together