Country Pumpkin Muffins

September coming, the month of the year that I enter with the most complicated feelings. It holds the start of fall, which I love. It holds the beginning of the school year rhythm, which I love. It holds September 14th, which I carry with me always and which is coming in two weeks. I have been in my head about it earlier than usual this year, which is partly because last year I went to the cemetery before the anniversary and partly because this year is the first September I am entering as a married person and something about that changes the texture of all my other feelings.

I made the first soup of fall this week — not quite fall yet but close enough that the butternut squash soup felt right. Roasted squash, caramelized onion, good broth, a little cream, sage and nutmeg. The color of the soup is the color of September light. I made a big pot and ate it for three days and each time I ate it I felt more like myself, which is what certain soups do. They are not just food. They are adjustment.

I called Cathy — Jess mom — on Thursday, the way I try to do in the week before the anniversary. She sounds different each year and also the same: the grief has changed shape but the fact of it has not. We talked for an hour about nothing and Jess and her sister and Cathy garden and what she has been cooking. She makes the same things Jess used to request as a kid — chicken soup, spaghetti, this particular banana bread. She said it helps to make the things that made Jess happy. I said I understood. I do understand. That is exactly what cooking does. It keeps them in the room with you.

Two weeks. Ryan knows what September 14th is and he will be there when I need him to be and absent when I need him to not push. We have been doing this for two years and he knows the shape of it. That is the thing about being known — you do not have to explain everything. He already knows.

After three days of soup and two weeks of sitting with September on my chest, I needed something to do with my hands on a Sunday morning — something that would fill the apartment with the same warm, spiced smell that the butternut squash had left behind. Pumpkin muffins felt right: close enough to that soup in color and in spirit, something Cathy might bake, something that makes the kitchen feel occupied in a good way. I made a dozen and ate two warm and thought about how she was probably in her own kitchen making the things that keep Jess in the room.

Prep Time: 15 min | Cook Time: 22 min | Total Time: 37 min | Servings: 12 muffins

Ingredients

1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon fine salt
1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon ground ginger
1/8 teaspoon ground cloves
1 cup canned pumpkin puree (not pumpkin pie filling)
2 large eggs
1/2 cup packed light brown sugar
1/4 cup granulated sugar
1/3 cup neutral vegetable oil
1/4 cup whole milk
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

Instructions

Preheat. Heat oven to 375°F. Line a standard 12-cup muffin tin with paper liners or grease each cup well with butter or nonstick spray.
Whisk dry ingredients. In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, and cloves until evenly combined. Set aside.
Mix wet ingredients. In a large bowl, whisk together the pumpkin puree, eggs, brown sugar, granulated sugar, oil, milk, and vanilla until smooth and fully incorporated.
Combine. Add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients and fold gently with a spatula until just combined. A few small streaks of flour are fine — do not overmix or the muffins will be dense.
Fill and bake. Divide the batter evenly among the 12 prepared cups, filling each about 3/4 full. Bake for 20–22 minutes, until the tops are set and a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.
Cool. Let the muffins rest in the pan for 5 minutes, then transfer to a wire rack. Best eaten warm, but they keep well in an airtight container at room temperature for up to 3 days.

Nutrition (per serving)

Country Pumpkin Muffins — Something Warm to Bake While You Wait