Cream Cheese/Chutney Appetizer — The Lake’s Gift, Arranged on a Board

I read Paul's books in the evening. The shipwreck books, of course. The same chapters I have read forty times now. The repetition is the comfort. I am not reading for new information. I am reading because the act of opening Paul's books and turning Paul's pages is a form of sitting in the room with him. He is not in the room. The book was in his hand. The book is in my hand. The hands are connected through the book. Peter called from Chicago. He sounded thinner than last week. He said work was fine. I do not believe him. He said his apartment was fine. I do not believe him either. He asked about the dog. He asked about the lake. He told me he loved me. I told him I loved him too. I told him about the bread I was baking. He said he could almost smell it through the phone. We hung up. I stood at the sink for a long minute. I did not know what else to do. Sophie texted a photo of Mira eating cereal. Mira's face was covered in milk. The photo was lit from the side by morning light and the smile in it was uninhibited and full and I could not stop looking at it. I printed the photo. I taped it to the fridge. I have a system on the fridge now: a column for each grandchild, a column for each great-grandchild, photos rotated weekly. The fridge is the gallery. The gallery is the proof. I cooked Smoked salmon platter this week. Russ Kendall's smoked salmon arranged on a board with capers, dill, red onion, cream cheese, rye crackers. Easter brunch. The lake's gift on the table. Damiano. The kitchen back-room I have known for over twenty years. The pot. The ladle. The faces. Gerald. The work continues. The work is the same work it has been since 2005. The continuity is, I think, the gift the Damiano Center gives me as much as the gift I give it. We hold each other up. Erik's house is empty now. The Fifth Street house has been sold (the new owners are a young couple from Hermantown, they are kind, they have promised to take care of it; they will paint the walls and tear up the carpet and the kitchen will become someone else's kitchen and I have made my peace with this, mostly). Erik's own house in Lakeside is being cleared out. I helped on Saturday. I packed Erik's coffee mugs. I held one for a long minute. I put it in the box. It is enough. Paul is not here. Mamma is not here. Pappa is not here. Erik is not here. They are all here in the kitchen, in the smell, in the taste, in the wooden spoon and the bread pans and the marble slab. The dead are not where the body went. The dead are in the kitchen. I have been reading the Bible more lately. Not in any new way. The same passages I have known since confirmation class in 1977. The Sermon on the Mount. The 23rd Psalm. The book of Ruth. Whither thou goest, I will go. The repetition of the verses is its own form of prayer. The verses do not change. I change. The change is held by the unchanged words. It is enough.

The Easter brunch board I put together this year was not complicated, and that was the point—Russ Kendall’s salmon, red onion, capers, dill, and cream cheese on rye crackers, arranged the way Paul would have appreciated: simply, with care, without fuss. A cream cheese and chutney appetizer is what it comes down to, the kind of thing you set on a board and let people find their own way into. The lake was out the window. The fridge gallery was full. It was enough to have something beautiful on the table.

Cream Cheese/Chutney Appetizer

Prep Time: 10 minutes | Cook Time: 0 minutes | Total Time: 10 minutes | Servings: 8

Ingredients

• 8 oz cream cheese, softened to room temperature
• 1/3 cup mango chutney (such as Major Grey’s)
• 2 tablespoons capers, drained
• 2 tablespoons fresh dill, chopped
• 1/4 cup red onion, finely minced
• 4 oz smoked salmon, thinly sliced
• 1 tablespoon lemon juice
• Rye crackers or dark pumpernickel, for serving
• Freshly cracked black pepper, to taste

Instructions

1. Prepare the cream cheese base. Place softened cream cheese on a small serving board or shallow dish. Using the back of a spoon, spread it into an even layer, leaving a slight border around the edges.
2. Layer the chutney. Spoon the mango chutney evenly over the cream cheese layer, spreading gently so the two layers remain distinct.
3. Add the toppings. Scatter the capers, red onion, and fresh dill over the chutney layer. Drape the smoked salmon slices loosely across the top. Squeeze lemon juice over everything and finish with cracked black pepper.
4. Arrange the board. Fan the rye crackers around the cream cheese mound on the board. Add small sprigs of fresh dill at the edges if desired.
5. Serve immediately or refrigerate uncovered for up to 1 hour before serving. Let guests spread the layered mixture onto crackers themselves.

Nutrition (per serving)

Calories: 145 | Protein: 6g | Fat: 10g | Carbs: 9g | Fiber: 0g | Sodium: 310mg