Easy Berry Smoothie

Something broke this week. Something I need to write about even though writing about it breaks something in me too.

Wednesday night. Eleven PM. I was in bed. Connie was asleep. My phone rang. Connie. Wait — Connie was next to me. The phone was Connie's phone. She'd left it downstairs. It was ringing from the kitchen. I went down. The caller ID said "Clay Cell."

But Clay was in the garage. Clay was always in the garage at eleven PM. Why was he calling Connie from the garage?

I answered. It wasn't Clay. It was Connie. Connie was in the garage. Connie had woken up, found me asleep, found Clay's door open and his room empty, and gone to the garage. And what she found in the garage —

I'm going to write it. I'm going to write it because not writing it would be dishonest and this blog has always been honest even when honest is ugly.

Connie found Clay sitting on the garage floor with Earl's old hunting rifle across his lap. He wasn't pointing it at anything. He wasn't holding it in a way that suggested imminent use. He was sitting on the cold concrete with the rifle across his knees, staring at the wall, and the look on his face was the look of a man who is considering something that cannot be unconsidered. Connie called me from the garage because she didn't want to leave Clay and she needed me to come.

I drove ninety miles an hour. We live in the same house and I drove ninety miles an hour down the stairs and through the kitchen and into the garage and I found my wife standing six feet from my son and my son sitting on the floor with a rifle and the distance between them was the distance between everything and nothing and I crossed it in two steps and I sat down beside Clay on the concrete and I put my arm around him and I held him.

I held him the way I held him when he was small. When he was three and had nightmares. When he was seven and fell off his bike. When he was ten and his goldfish died and he cried in the bathroom because he didn't want anyone to see. I held him on the cold concrete floor of a garage in December and he shook — his whole body shook — and I held him tighter and Connie came closer and sat on the other side and we held him from both sides and the rifle was on the floor where I'd gently moved it and Clay said "I can't make it stop" and I said "We're going to help you" and Connie said "We're here" and we sat on the garage floor for two hours.

At one AM I called the VA crisis line. At six AM I called Clay's lawyer. At eight AM I called Dr. Chen. At nine AM I called Betty, not to tell her what happened — I won't tell Betty this, I can't tell Betty this — but to hear her voice, because her voice is the oldest safe thing I know and I needed something safe.

I didn't cook this week. I can't. The kitchen is the room next to the garage and the garage is the room where my son sat with a rifle and considered the worst thing and the kitchen is too close to the worst thing for me to stand in it and cook. Not yet. Soon. But not yet.

I’m not ready to cook yet. I’m going to put a recipe here because that’s what this blog does, and because someone who knows me reminded me that eating matters even when eating feels beside the point. So here’s what I’ve been making: a smoothie. Frozen berries, a blender, done in two minutes, no stove, no standing in front of the range next to the door that leads to the garage. I can do this much. I can stand three feet from the counter and press a button. This week, that’s enough.

Prep Time: 5 minutes | Cook Time: 0 minutes | Total Time: 5 minutes | Servings: 2

Ingredients

1 cup frozen mixed berries (strawberries, blueberries, raspberries)
1/2 cup frozen banana slices (about 1 small banana)
3/4 cup plain Greek yogurt
1/2 cup milk (dairy or unsweetened almond milk)
1 tablespoon honey or maple syrup (optional, to taste)
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/4 cup orange juice or apple juice (optional, for thinner consistency)

Instructions

Add liquids first. Pour the milk and juice (if using) into the blender. Adding liquid first protects the blender blade and helps everything blend smoothly.
Add the soft ingredients. Spoon in the Greek yogurt, honey, and vanilla extract.
Add the frozen fruit. Layer the frozen berries and banana slices on top. Frozen fruit gives the smoothie its thick, cold texture without needing ice.
Blend until smooth. Start on low for 10 seconds, then increase to high and blend for 30—45 seconds until completely smooth. If it’s too thick, add a splash more milk and blend again for 10 seconds.
Taste and adjust. If you’d like it sweeter, add a little more honey and pulse once or twice. Pour into two glasses and serve immediately.

Nutrition (per serving)

Easy Berry Smoothie — When the Kitchen Is Too Close and You Still Have to Eat Something