Edamame and Soba Noodle Bowl

The first week alone. Alone is a word that used to mean lonely and now means something else — something with more air in it, more space, more room to move. The apartment is quiet when Miya is at Brian's, and the quiet is not empty. The quiet is full of the sounds I had forgotten existed underneath the noise of a marriage: the refrigerator humming, the rain on the window, my own breathing, the creak of the floor when I walk to the kitchen at midnight for a glass of water. I am relearning the sounds of myself. I am relearning the architecture of solitude, which is not the same as loneliness, which is not the same as being alone. Solitude is chosen. Loneliness is imposed. Being alone is a fact. I am choosing solitude. The choice makes all the difference.

I made ochazuke — the tea-over-rice dish that is surrender food and also, tonight, celebration food. The surrender is to the new life. The celebration is that the new life exists. I poured hot green tea over cold rice and added umeboshi and salmon flakes and nori and sat at the small table by the kitchen window — a table that seats two, for a household of one-and-a-half — and ate and the simplicity was not poverty. The simplicity was clarity. The ochazuke said: this is enough. You are enough. The table for two is enough. The apartment is enough. You do not need more. You need what you have. What you have is the bowl and the tea and the rice and the rain.

Brian has Miya this week. The schedule is every-other-week, informal, held together by text messages. He texted a photo of Miya eating cereal at his table and the photo was both comforting and gutting — comforting because she looked happy, gutting because she was happy without me, which is exactly what I want for her and exactly what hurts. Motherhood is wanting your child to be fine without you and being devastated when she is.

I practiced yoga alone in the living room at six AM. No students, no Instagram, no audience. Just me and the mat and the breath and the gray Portland morning through the window. The practice was the best it has been in months. The body was loose. The breath was deep. The mind was quiet — not silent, never silent, the anxiety is always murmuring in the background — but quiet, the way a forest is quiet: full of life, full of sound, but peaceful. I am peaceful. The word surprises me. Peaceful was not in my vocabulary a month ago. Peaceful was not possible inside the marriage. Peaceful requires space. I have space now. The space is small and it is mine and it is peaceful.

The ochazuke carried me through that first midnight, but the week kept opening up — quiet morning after quiet morning, the mat rolled out, the refrigerator humming — and I needed something that asked more of me without asking too much. This edamame and soba noodle bowl became my second ritual of the week: something with texture and color, something that looked like a choice rather than a concession. I made it for one, ate it at the same small table by the window, and it said the same thing the ochazuke had said the night before: this is enough.

Prep Time: 10 min | Cook Time: 10 min | Total Time: 20 min | Servings: 2

Ingredients

4 oz soba noodles
1 cup shelled edamame, thawed if frozen
1 medium carrot, julienned or shredded
2 green onions, thinly sliced
1 cup shredded red cabbage
2 tablespoons low-sodium soy sauce
1 tablespoon rice vinegar
1 tablespoon sesame oil
1 teaspoon honey or maple syrup
1 teaspoon freshly grated ginger
1 small garlic clove, minced
1 tablespoon sesame seeds, for garnish
Sriracha or chili flakes, optional

Instructions

Cook the noodles. Bring a medium pot of water to a boil. Cook soba noodles according to package directions, usually 4—5 minutes. Drain and rinse under cold water to stop cooking and prevent clumping. Set aside.
Make the dressing. In a small bowl, whisk together soy sauce, rice vinegar, sesame oil, honey, ginger, and garlic until combined.
Warm the edamame. If your edamame is not already warm, add it to the empty pot with a splash of water over medium heat for 2 minutes, or microwave for 90 seconds.
Assemble the bowls. Divide soba noodles between two bowls. Arrange edamame, shredded carrot, red cabbage, and green onions over the noodles.
Dress and serve. Drizzle dressing evenly over each bowl. Sprinkle with sesame seeds and add chili flakes or Sriracha if desired. Serve immediately.

Nutrition (per serving)

Edamame and Soba Noodle Bowl — The Simplicity That Says It’s Enough