By He's gone. Clay deployed Thursday, February 14, 2019. Valentine's Day. I didn't make shrimp and grits. I didn't make anything on Valentine's Day. Connie and I sat on the couch and ate cereal for dinner and watched nothing on TV and existed in the specific numbness that follows the departure of your child to a war zone. Numbness is not grief. Grief is active. Numbness is the body's firewall — it shuts down the emotion because the emotion is too large for the system to process all at once. The emotion will come. It always comes. But for now: cereal. TV. Numbness. Survival.
I went back to work on Friday. The foreman asked if I was okay. I said yes. He knew I was lying because every man on that crew knows Clay deployed and every man on that crew has either served or knows someone who served and the brotherhood of construction is the brotherhood of men who work with their hands and understand that some things are too big for words and the appropriate response is a nod and a thermos of coffee and getting back to work.
By Saturday, I was in the kitchen. Not because I was hungry. Because the kitchen is the only room in this house where I feel competent, where I feel useful, where the outcomes are predictable and the variables are manageable. I can't manage Afghanistan. I can manage a cast iron skillet. I can't protect my son from an IED. I can protect a pot of beans from burning. The scale is different. The principle is the same: control what you can. Let go of what you can't. Cook.
I made Betty's chicken and rice casserole. It's a recipe I haven't written about yet — one of the simpler dishes, the weeknight meal, the Tuesday dinner when Betty was tired and needed something that required minimal effort and maximum comfort. Cook rice. Shred a rotisserie chicken. Mix with cream of chicken soup, sour cream, salt, pepper, and a cup of shredded cheddar. Pour into a baking dish. Top with crushed Ritz crackers mixed with melted butter. Bake at 350 for thirty minutes. It's not glamorous. It's not innovative. It's a casserole that says "I'm here and the oven is warm and we're going to eat something hot tonight."
Connie ate a plate. I ate a plate. The leftovers went into the fridge. Tomorrow is Monday. Monday is soup beans. The world is at war and my son is in it and Monday is still soup beans. Hold the line. Hold the beans. Hold the Mondays.
The casserole went into the oven at 350 and came out thirty minutes later and it did exactly what it was supposed to do — it was hot, it was there, and it asked nothing of us. That is the only job a meal has some nights. I’ve since made Betty’s stuffed chicken on the same principle: simple prep, oven does the work, something warm on the table. Florentine stuffed chicken is the version I come back to when I need the kitchen to carry the weight — spinach and cheese tucked inside a chicken breast, seared and baked, smelling like something is going to be okay.
Florentine Stuffed Chicken
Prep Time: 15 min | Cook Time: 30 min | Total Time: 45 min | Servings: 4
Ingredients
- 4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts
- 1 cup frozen chopped spinach, thawed and squeezed dry
- 4 oz cream cheese, softened
- 1/2 cup shredded mozzarella cheese
- 1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese
- 2 cloves garlic, minced
- 1/2 teaspoon onion powder
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- 1/4 teaspoon black pepper
- 1/2 teaspoon paprika
- 2 tablespoons olive oil
- Toothpicks or kitchen twine to secure
Instructions
- Preheat oven. Heat oven to 375°F. Lightly grease a baking dish and set aside.
- Make the filling. In a medium bowl, combine cream cheese, spinach, mozzarella, Parmesan, garlic, and onion powder. Stir until evenly mixed.
- Prep the chicken. Place each chicken breast flat on a cutting board. Using a sharp knife, cut a deep horizontal pocket into the thickest part of each breast, being careful not to cut all the way through.
- Season the chicken. Rub the outside of each breast with olive oil, then season with salt, pepper, and paprika on both sides.
- Stuff the chicken. Spoon equal portions of the spinach filling into each pocket. Secure the opening with toothpicks or tie with kitchen twine to hold the filling in place during cooking.
- Sear the chicken. Heat a large oven-safe skillet over medium-high heat with a splash of olive oil. Sear the stuffed breasts for 2–3 minutes per side until golden brown.
- Bake. Transfer the skillet or chicken to the prepared baking dish. Bake for 25–30 minutes, or until the internal temperature reaches 165°F and the juices run clear.
- Rest and serve. Remove from the oven and let rest 5 minutes before removing toothpicks and slicing. Serve with rice, roasted potatoes, or a simple green salad.
Nutrition (per serving)
Calories: 370 | Protein: 42g | Fat: 19g | Carbs: 4g | Fiber: 1g | Sodium: 520mg