Frosted Pineapple Lemon Gelatin

February looms again. The fourth February since the breakdown. The anniversary month. Reynaldo's month. The month that arrives every year with the same weight and the same nightmares and the same frozen ground at Angelus Memorial and the same need to cook the recipes of a man who's been dead for eleven years and will be dead for the rest of all the years.

But this February, I'm not bracing alone. Jason is here. He knows the drill — extra therapy, adjusted expectations, the understanding that the second week of February will be hard and the hardness is not about him, not about us, but about a man named Reynaldo who died at fifty-three and whose daughter is twenty-nine and will carry his death like a stone in her pocket for the rest of her life, the stone smoothed by years but no lighter.

I started preparing the way I always do: stocking the freezer. Adobo, portioned. Sinigang, in quart containers. Arroz caldo, ready for the 3 AM nights when the nightmares come and the only answer is rice porridge and ginger and the warmth of a recipe designed for the sick. The freezer is my emergency kit. The food is the first aid. The cooking is the response plan.

Jason watched me stock the freezer and said, "This is your February protocol." I said yes. He said, "What can I add?" I said, "Be here." He said, "That's already in the plan." The plan. He has a plan for my grief. The plan is presence, the same plan Angela had in 2016, the same plan that saved my life — not through action but through witness, through the refusal to let the grieving person grieve alone. Be here. The simplest protocol. The hardest to execute. The most important.

I made maja blanca — Reynaldo's favorite, the coconut pudding, the preemptive memorial. The pudding set in the fridge and the latik on top was golden and crunchy and the kitchen smelled like coconut and anticipation. February is coming. The stone is in my pocket. The freezer is full. The man on the couch has a plan. The woman at the stove has a protocol. The pudding is sweet. The month will be hard. Both things are true. Both things coexist. The kitchen holds them both.

Maja blanca is Reynaldo’s recipe—his alone—and I won’t share it here. But the thing it taught me is the value of a dessert that asks nothing of you at the moment you need it most: you make it the day before, you set it in the refrigerator, and when the hard hours come it’s already there. This Frosted Pineapple Lemon Gelatin works the same way—it’s bright and cold and sweet, and it sets while you sleep, and in the second week of February when Jason asks if there’s anything in the fridge, the answer is yes, there is, I already took care of it, I always take care of it ahead of time, that’s the protocol.

Prep Time: 20 minutes | Cook Time: 0 minutes | Total Time: 4 hours 20 minutes (includes chilling) | Servings: 12

Ingredients

2 packages (3 oz each) lemon gelatin
2 cups boiling water
1 can (20 oz) crushed pineapple, undrained
1 cup cold water
1 package (8 oz) cream cheese, softened
1 cup powdered sugar
1 container (8 oz) frozen whipped topping, thawed
1/4 cup chopped maraschino cherries, for garnish (optional)

Instructions

Dissolve the gelatin. In a large bowl, dissolve both packages of lemon gelatin in 2 cups of boiling water, stirring for at least 2 minutes until fully dissolved.
Add pineapple and cold water. Stir in the entire can of crushed pineapple (with juice) and the 1 cup of cold water. Mix well to combine.
Pour into pan and chill. Pour the mixture into a lightly greased 13x9-inch baking dish. Refrigerate for 2 to 3 hours, or until fully set and firm.
Make the frosting. In a medium bowl, beat the softened cream cheese and powdered sugar together with a hand mixer until smooth and fluffy, about 2 minutes.
Fold in whipped topping. Gently fold the thawed whipped topping into the cream cheese mixture until no streaks remain. Keep the mixture light—don’t overmix.
Frost the gelatin. Once the gelatin is fully set, spread the cream cheese frosting evenly over the top in a smooth layer. Scatter chopped maraschino cherries over the top if desired.
Chill and serve. Return to the refrigerator for at least 1 additional hour before serving. Cut into squares and serve cold. Keeps covered in the refrigerator for up to 3 days.

Nutrition (per serving)

Frosted Pineapple Lemon Gelatin — The Pudding That Sets While You Wait for February