By Memorial Day weekend. The neighborhood does a block party every year on the Saturday before Memorial Day—Miss Harris from down the street has organized it for twenty years—and Marcus loved it with the unironic joy of a boy who had never outgrown the pleasure of a good neighborhood event. He was the kid who ate three hot dogs before the burgers were ready, who ran the three-legged race and cheated at it, who stayed until the last sparkler was done. Last year he was there, seventeen years old and too cool for the three-legged race now but still eating three hot dogs, still the last one inside.
Miss Harris knocked on the door Saturday morning—gently, not presuming, just letting me know. I thanked her and said we wouldn't make it this year, and she nodded and hugged me for a long time on the porch. Miss Harris is eighty-one years old and has buried two husbands and a son, and when a woman like that holds you, you feel held by more than two arms. You feel held by everyone she's survived. That's not nothing. That's a great deal.
I could smell the block party from the back bedroom. Charcoal, hot dogs, something sweet—someone brought a fruit salad or maybe a pie. The neighborhood smelled like summer and community and the specific happy smell of people who are still whole, and I sat with the blinds half closed and I was glad they were out there, I was genuinely glad. It's right for life to go on outside my window. I just couldn't be part of it yet.
Calvin went, briefly. Just twenty minutes—he shook hands with the men, accepted a plate from Miss Harris, came home. He sat with me in the den and we watched the evening news without really watching it, and he said, "Marcus would have eaten eight hot dogs by now," and I said, "He would have eaten twelve," and we sat with that for a minute and the weather forecast came on and the moment passed. But it was a moment—a real one, with Marcus's appetite in it, and both of us almost smiling. That was the first time I'd smiled since before March third. I'm counting it. I need to count the firsts because the firsts are how you know you're still moving forward, even when you can't feel it.
That evening, after Calvin came home from his twenty minutes and we sat through the weather forecast neither of us was watching, I needed to do something with my hands. I couldn’t go to the block party, but I could still light a flame — even just the back burner on the grill, even just for us. A grilled Caesar salad felt right because it carries a little char, a little smoke, something that whispers cookout without demanding you be at one. Marcus would have picked the croutons off the top before I got it to the table. I made extra.
Grilled Caesar Salad
Prep Time: 10 minutes | Cook Time: 5 minutes | Total Time: 15 minutes | Servings: 4
Ingredients
- 2 large romaine lettuce hearts, halved lengthwise
- 3 tablespoons olive oil, divided
- 1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
- 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
- 1/2 cup Caesar dressing (store-bought or homemade)
- 1/2 cup shaved or freshly grated Parmesan cheese
- 1 cup large croutons
- 1 lemon, cut into wedges, for serving
- 4 anchovy fillets, optional
Instructions
- Heat the grill. Preheat an outdoor grill or grill pan over medium-high heat until hot, about 5 minutes. Clean and oil the grates to prevent sticking.
- Prep the romaine. Brush the cut side of each romaine half generously with olive oil. Season lightly with salt and pepper. Leave the root end intact — it holds the leaves together on the grill.
- Grill cut-side down. Place romaine halves cut-side down on the hot grill. Cook undisturbed for 2 to 3 minutes, until grill marks appear and the edges are just beginning to wilt and char. You want color, not fully cooked greens — the inside should stay cool and crisp.
- Transfer and dress. Move grilled romaine to a large serving platter or individual plates, cut-side up. Drizzle Caesar dressing generously over each half, letting it run down into the leaves.
- Finish and serve. Scatter Parmesan over the top, followed by the croutons. Lay an anchovy fillet over each half if using. Squeeze fresh lemon juice over everything just before serving.
Nutrition (per serving)
Calories: 285 | Protein: 8g | Fat: 23g | Carbs: 13g | Fiber: 3g | Sodium: 530mg