Grilled Steaks With Mushroom Sauce

Dr. Mehta was the neurosurgeon. She is sixty, warm, precise. She reviewed the imaging with us. She said the mass's location was favorable for biopsy — left temporal, relatively accessible — and that she wanted to do a stereotactic biopsy before committing to any larger resection, because the histology would determine the whole treatment plan. She said the biopsy would be an outpatient procedure, a small burr hole, minimal recovery. She said she could do it next Wednesday. She said she would have preliminary pathology by Friday and final pathology within seven to ten days after that.

We said yes to next Wednesday.

Dr. Mehta also, separately, at the end, asked about my work. She had seen "oncology nurse" in the chart. She said "you understand what we are looking at." I said yes. She said, quietly, "then you understand that I am going to do this carefully and we are going to know what we are dealing with before we plan the next steps." She said "I do not speculate in these rooms. I biopsy and I read the path and I plan." She said "that is the order." I said "I understand. Thank you for saying it that way." She said "you are welcome. I will see you Wednesday."

We drove home. We had the rest of the week to get through. I cooked anchor food — the food I cook when I need the kitchen to ground me. Wednesday: a beef roast, the cast iron, the slow oven. Thursday: shepherd's pie. Friday: soup and bread. Saturday: pancakes, as always (Sean made them). Sunday: Maureen's pot roast.

Maureen. I have not told her. I have not told any of them. Sean and I agreed: we wait for the pathology. We do not load the family with fear when we do not yet know what fear is correctly proportioned to. Maureen will absorb this badly. Sean Sr. will absorb it worse, in his silent way. Patrick will not know how to cope. Meghan will be fine. Danny will be fine. My mother will be the hardest. The weight of my mother's grief is something I have always carried and have never seen her carry — she carries it forward into the family and I am the one who sits with it afterward. I am saving her from a week of it. I am saving all of them. I am holding this alone with Sean.

Sean has been extraordinary. He has been extraordinarily himself. He taught a single make-up session to a student Friday afternoon as a favor, because the student had missed a final project. He did it in our kitchen for ninety minutes, patient and gentle with the kid. The kid left. Sean came into the living room. He said "I needed that." I understood what he meant. He needed to be Sean-the-teacher for ninety minutes. He is not going to stop being Sean-the-teacher.

Liam had his last day of camp session one on Friday. He came home with a friendship bracelet from Henry and a small clay turtle he had made. Nora was praised by Miss Alicia for her color sorting. Our kids are having a normal July. This is a gift I am giving them. I am holding the line so they can have it.

Wednesday is the biopsy. I will be at Brigham. Maureen will have the kids. I told her I had a "procedure" Sean was having and that I wanted to be with him. I did not elaborate. She did not press. She said "I've got them, Katherine. Don't worry." She calls me Katherine only when she is serious. I heard her tone. She heard mine. She did not ask another question. The mothers know.

That week between the consult and the biopsy, I cooked the way I always cook when I need the kitchen to hold me together — heavy, anchoring food. The beef roast on Wednesday. The shepherd’s pie on Thursday. Meals that take time and attention, that keep your hands busy so your mind doesn’t spiral. This grilled steak with mushroom sauce is cut from the same cloth — a good sear, a slow pan sauce, the kind of cooking that asks you to stay present and rewards you with something warm and solid at the end of it.

Prep Time: 15 minutes | Cook Time: 25 minutes | Total Time: 40 minutes | Servings: 4

Ingredients

4 boneless ribeye or New York strip steaks (about 8 oz each, 1 inch thick)
2 tablespoons olive oil
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
8 oz cremini mushrooms, sliced
2 cloves garlic, minced
1/2 cup dry red wine
1 cup beef broth
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
1 teaspoon Dijon mustard
2 tablespoons heavy cream
1 tablespoon fresh thyme leaves
1 tablespoon fresh parsley, chopped, for garnish

Instructions

Prep the steaks. Remove steaks from the refrigerator 30 minutes before cooking. Pat dry with paper towels and season generously on both sides with salt and pepper. Rub with olive oil.
Grill the steaks. Heat a grill or cast iron grill pan over high heat. Grill steaks for 4–5 minutes per side for medium-rare (internal temperature of 130°F), or to your desired doneness. Transfer to a cutting board, tent loosely with foil, and rest for 5–10 minutes.
Cook the mushrooms. While the steaks rest, melt butter in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Add sliced mushrooms in a single layer and cook without stirring for 3–4 minutes until golden on the bottom. Stir and cook another 2–3 minutes until browned. Add garlic and cook 30 seconds until fragrant.
Deglaze and build the sauce. Pour in the red wine, scraping up any browned bits from the bottom of the pan. Let it reduce by half, about 2 minutes. Add beef broth, Worcestershire sauce, and Dijon mustard. Simmer for 5–6 minutes until the sauce has reduced and thickened slightly.
Finish the sauce. Stir in heavy cream and thyme leaves. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Let the sauce simmer for 1 more minute.
Serve. Spoon mushroom sauce generously over the rested steaks. Garnish with fresh parsley and serve immediately.

Nutrition (per serving)

Grilled Steaks With Mushroom Sauce — The Anchor Food I Cook When I Need the Kitchen to Ground Me