Ham and Bean Chili — The Recipe That Held Me Up

New Year's Eve with a six-week-old. The celebration: Caleb nursed at 11:45 PM, I watched the ball drop on my phone with one hand while holding him with the other, and at midnight I whispered, 'Happy New Year, baby,' and he burped. That's it. That's the celebration. 2019. The year Ryan comes home for real. The year I figure out how to be a mother. The year everything either gets better or... I don't know what the alternative is. There isn't one. It just has to get better. The 4 PM emptiness has a name now, I think. I haven't said it out loud. But I've been reading about it on my phone during the 3 AM nursing sessions (which are long and dark and the only time I have to read anything): postpartum depression. The symptoms list reads like a diary of my last three weeks: exhaustion beyond normal newborn exhaustion. Crying jags that come from nowhere. Inability to feel joy even when you're holding the baby you love. The flat, gray, 4 PM feeling that sits on your chest like a weight. I haven't told anyone. Not Mom. Not Ryan. Not Jen. Because Abernathy women are strong. Abernathy women don't need help. Abernathy women survive deployments and moves and Thanksgivings alone and they don't — Except they do. They need help. I need help. But not today. Today is New Year's Day and Caleb slept for three consecutive hours last night (a record) and I heated up Mom's chili from the freezer and ate it on the couch and the label said '350° for 5 min — stir — 5 more min' in Mom's handwriting and I followed the instructions and the chili was warm and I ate it and that was enough. Mom's freezer labels. Mom's voice on the phone. Mom's recipes in my hands. They're holding me up. They don't know how much they're holding me up. Or maybe they do. Maybe that's why she made them. Ryan comes home in fifteen days. January 15th. Fifteen days. I can make it fifteen days. I can make it through anything for fifteen days. Happy New Year. The chili is warm. The baby is sleeping. Fifteen days. I'm going to tell someone about the 4 PM feeling. Soon. Just not today.

Mom’s version came from the freezer in a labeled container, and I followed her instructions exactly — 350° for five minutes, stir, five more — because that day I needed something that didn’t ask anything of me. Ham and Bean Chili is that kind of food: thick, warm, and steady, the kind of thing you can make in a big batch on a good day and save for the days when good feels far away. If you have someone in your life who is surviving something right now, make them this. Label it in your own handwriting. Leave it in their freezer. They will understand.

Ham and Bean Chili

Prep Time: 15 min | Cook Time: 35 min | Total Time: 50 min | Servings: 6

Ingredients

• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 1 medium yellow onion, diced
• 1 green bell pepper, diced
• 3 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 1/2 lbs cooked ham, cut into 1/2-inch cubes
• 2 cans (15 oz each) navy beans or Great Northern beans, drained and rinsed
• 1 can (15 oz) kidney beans, drained and rinsed
• 1 can (14.5 oz) diced tomatoes, undrained
• 2 cups low-sodium chicken broth
• 2 tablespoons chili powder
• 1 teaspoon ground cumin
• 1/2 teaspoon smoked paprika
• 1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper (optional)
• Salt and black pepper to taste
• Sour cream, shredded cheddar, and sliced green onions for serving (optional)

Instructions

1. Sauté the vegetables. Heat olive oil in a large pot or Dutch oven over medium heat. Add the onion and bell pepper and cook, stirring occasionally, until softened, about 5 minutes. Add the garlic and cook 1 minute more until fragrant.
2. Add the ham. Stir in the cubed ham and cook for 3–4 minutes, letting it pick up a little color on the edges.
3. Build the chili. Add the navy beans, kidney beans, diced tomatoes (with their juices), and chicken broth. Stir to combine.
4. Season. Add the chili powder, cumin, smoked paprika, and cayenne if using. Stir well and taste for salt and pepper.
5. Simmer. Bring the chili to a boil, then reduce heat to low. Simmer uncovered for 20–25 minutes, stirring occasionally, until the broth has thickened slightly and the flavors have come together.
6. Serve or freeze. Serve hot with sour cream, cheddar, and green onions if desired. To freeze, cool completely and portion into labeled freezer containers. Reheat at 350° for 5 minutes, stir, then 5 more — or until heated through.

Nutrition (per serving)

Calories: 335 | Protein: 26g | Fat: 9g | Carbs: 36g | Fiber: 9g | Sodium: 920mg