Mexican Hot Chocolate Cupcakes

New Year's 2033. Sixteen years sober. I'm fifty-two years old and I've been sober for sixteen years. I say it out loud sometimes, alone in the kitchen in the early morning, because saying it makes it more real than just thinking it. Sixteen years. More than thirty percent of my entire life. A full childhood's worth of distance between who I was and who I am.

I don't write much about the bad years anymore, not because they're gone but because I've said what I needed to say about them. They're part of the foundation now. What I build on. At New Year's I think about them not with shame but with something closer to a kind of acknowledgment — those years happened, that person existed, and he made it through and then he did better. That's enough.

What I'm carrying into 2033: a grandchild coming in the fall. A team with Trevon Ashford at running back and two years of eligibility remaining. Lisa's smile at breakfast. Elena writing her stories in Albuquerque. Sofia running on the competition floor in Palo Alto. Marco doing whatever Marco does at CU Boulder — he says he's studying business, Lisa says she suspects he's studying snowboarding, and the truth is probably somewhere in between. Diego and Keisha building a life together, a new person growing between them.

Papá called at midnight exactly, which he's done every year since I got sober. He says the same thing every year: another year on the right side. I say: another year. Then we talk about the food we're planning to make in the coming year and that's how we mark the turning of time — by what we're going to cook. This year he wants to make asado de boda together when I come to Las Cruces in the spring. I said yes. I'm already thinking about it.

After Papá hung up and the house went quiet, I stood in the kitchen thinking about what to make first in this new year. Asado de boda would come later, in the spring, with him. But right now I wanted something warm and familiar — something with cinnamon and chocolate, the way my grandmother’s kitchen always smelled on cold mornings in Las Cruces. These Mexican hot chocolate cupcakes felt right: simple enough for a man alone at one a.m. on New Year’s Day, rich enough to mark the occasion.

Prep Time: 20 minutes | Cook Time: 20 minutes | Total Time: 40 minutes | Servings: 18 cupcakes

Ingredients

1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 large eggs
1 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1 cup buttermilk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3/4 cup hot brewed coffee
For the frosting:
1/2 cup unsalted butter, softened
3 cups powdered sugar
1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper
3 tablespoons whole milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
Ground cinnamon for dusting

Instructions

Preheat. Heat oven to 350°F. Line 18 muffin cups with paper liners.
Mix dry ingredients. Whisk together flour, cocoa powder, cinnamon, cayenne, baking soda, baking powder, and salt in a large bowl.
Combine wet ingredients. In a separate bowl, beat eggs, granulated sugar, and brown sugar until smooth. Add oil, buttermilk, and vanilla and mix until combined.
Combine batter. Pour the wet mixture into the dry ingredients and stir until just incorporated. Add the hot coffee and stir gently — the batter will be thin, and that’s exactly right.
Bake. Divide batter evenly among the lined cups, filling each about two-thirds full. Bake 18 to 20 minutes, until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Cool in pans 5 minutes, then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.
Make the frosting. Beat softened butter until creamy. Sift in powdered sugar, cocoa powder, cinnamon, and cayenne. Add milk and vanilla and beat on medium-high until light and fluffy, about 2 minutes.
Frost and finish. Spread or pipe frosting onto cooled cupcakes. Dust lightly with ground cinnamon before serving.

Nutrition (per serving)

Mexican Hot Chocolate Cupcakes — Something Warm for the Years Ahead