By Texting Megan O'Brien is an exercise in humility. She responds to everything I send with either brutal efficiency or complete silence. I sent her a photo of a pierogi I was particularly proud of. She replied, "What is that." Not a question mark. A period. "What is that." I typed and deleted four different responses before settling on, "It's a pierogi. Polish dumpling. I made it." She said, "Huh." Two letters. I am in trouble.
We've been texting for about a week. She's funny in a way that sneaks up on you — dry, understated, with a timing that would kill in stand-up comedy if she ever decided teaching fourth graders wasn't challenging enough. I'm learning things about her in fragments. She grew up in Greenfield. Her dad is a retired firefighter. She has two older brothers who apparently vet every guy she dates, which is terrifying. She reads a lot — actual books, physical ones — and judges people who don't, but quietly.
At the brewery, I'm working on spring seasonals. A hefeweizen that's light enough for patio drinking and a pale ale with Cascade hops that smells like grapefruit. Spring brewing is my favorite — you're making beer that people will drink outside, in the sun, after months of darkness. There's optimism baked into the process.
Made kapusniak for dinner on Wednesday — Polish cabbage soup with smoked pork ribs. It's a one-pot meal that feeds you for three days if you make enough, and I always make enough. The apartment complex hallway smelled like cabbage for twenty-four hours. My neighbor Mike knocked on the door and asked if everything was okay. I gave him a bowl. He's asked me twice since then when I'm making it again. This is how you build community in an apartment building: soup.
Haven't asked Megan out yet. Partly because I'm working up to it and partly because I think she'd say no right now. She's warming up — the texts are getting longer, she sent me a meme about Wisconsin weather that was actually funny — but she's not there yet. I can wait. Kowalski men are patient. Also stubborn. The two are basically the same thing.
The kapusniak confirmed what I’d always suspected: slow-cooking anything in a small apartment is basically a social experiment, and the results are Mike knocking on your door twice in one week. These slow-cooker mushrooms don’t have the three-day staying power of a pot of cabbage soup, but they hit the same note — minimal effort, butter doing most of the heavy lifting, and an aroma that makes the hallway smell like someone’s grandmother lives here. Patience is the main ingredient, which, as it turns out, is something I’m working on in more than one area of my life right now.
Slow-Cooker Mushrooms
Prep Time: 10 min | Cook Time: 3 hrs | Total Time: 3 hrs 10 min | Servings: 6
Ingredients
- 2 lbs whole button or cremini mushrooms, cleaned
- 4 tablespoons unsalted butter, cut into slices
- 4 cloves garlic, minced
- 1 packet (1 oz) dry onion soup mix
- 1/2 teaspoon dried thyme
- 1/4 teaspoon black pepper
- 1/4 cup beef broth or vegetable broth
- 2 tablespoons fresh flat-leaf parsley, chopped (for garnish)
Instructions
- Prep the mushrooms. Wipe mushrooms clean with a damp cloth — do not rinse under water. Leave them whole; quartering them will make them mushy after three hours in the slow cooker.
- Layer into the slow cooker. Place mushrooms in the slow cooker. Scatter minced garlic over the top, then sprinkle the dry onion soup mix, thyme, and black pepper evenly across the mushrooms.
- Add butter and broth. Lay butter slices over the seasoned mushrooms. Pour the broth around the edges of the insert rather than directly over the seasoning so it doesn’t wash the spices away.
- Cook low and slow. Cover and cook on LOW for 3 hours, or on HIGH for 1 hour 30 minutes, until mushrooms are deeply tender and have released their liquid into a rich, buttery broth at the bottom of the insert.
- Finish and serve. Stir gently to coat the mushrooms in the accumulated juices. Transfer to a serving dish, spoon the pan juices over the top, and garnish with fresh parsley. Serve warm as a side dish, over toasted crusty bread, or alongside any hearty main.
Nutrition (per serving)
Calories: 108 | Protein: 4g | Fat: 8g | Carbs: 6g | Fiber: 1g | Sodium: 415mg