Spicy Cheeseburgers

The Memorial Day barbecue happened. Everyone came. Everyone ate. Nobody fell apart. These are the metrics for a successful family gathering in 2021.

Saturday I drove out with James in the passenger seat and a cooler in the back with pajeon batter premixed, kimchi, kkakdugi, and a pan of bulgogi ready to grill. David was outside setting up the Weber when we pulled in. He said, "I hope you brought something besides burgers because I don't think I can eat another burger." I said, "I brought you bulgogi." He said, "Thank God." This is the man who, five years ago, put ketchup on my first attempt at galbi. The man grows.

Kevin drove up from Portland in the morning. He brought three bags of Stumptown beans and a pie Lisa had made for him to bring. Lisa, who I have not met, who Kevin has been cagey about — new, recent, fragile. Kevin said, "She wanted to come but it felt early." I understood. Kevin has to be cautious about how fast things happen. He is still in the period of recovery where everything new must be handled with tongs.

We grilled in the backyard. Karen sat in a chair on the patio holding a glass of iced tea and supervising. David grilled the bulgogi, which I had pre-marinated at home — David is not to be trusted with marinade proportions. Kevin flipped the meat, chatted with James about coffee equipment, laughed easily. Karen watched her two children she had adopted from Korea and her white husband and her new Taiwanese-American soon-to-be son-in-law (a role James has not been given but has already moved into) with the expression of a woman who has pulled off, against odds, a life she once could not have imagined. She is the one who made this family by wanting it. I thought this and did not say it.

We ate outside until the sun went down. Pajeon folded into squares, bulgogi on lettuce with ssamjang, kimchi from my condo, David's terrible potato salad that he has been making for forty years and will never improve, Lisa's pie (cherry, exceptional, she is clearly a better baker than Kevin). Karen ate slowly but ate a lot. She said, "Tonight I can eat. The medication is working well today." She said it matter-of-factly, the way she says everything, and I saw David glance at her with a look I do not have a word for. Gratitude, maybe. Or relief. Or the specific face a husband makes when his wife is having a good day in the middle of a bad year.

Twelve weeks. No email. I checked once at 9 AM, once at 9 PM, and did not cheat today.

Dr. Yoon is on vacation next week. I have one session between now and June, which feels inconvenient given where I am in the waiting, but I am learning to carry my own containers.

The recipe this week is bulgogi — thinly sliced ribeye marinated overnight in soy, sugar, pear, garlic, ginger, sesame oil, scallion, pepper. Grilled hot and fast. Eaten with lettuce and ssamjang. The first dish I ever cooked for my whole family that was unequivocally a Korean dish, made well enough that nobody needed to be polite about it. A victory on a Saturday. A small thing. A load-bearing thing.

David greeted us in the driveway with a very specific request: no more burgers. And I honored that — I brought bulgogi, and it was the right call, and the evening was everything it needed to be. But standing at that Weber watching the flames, I kept thinking about how much of a backyard cookout lives in a good burger — the kind with heat and real cheese and a bun that earns it. So here’s the one I would’ve made if the bulgogi hadn’t come first: a spicy cheeseburger for the grill, the kind that makes a holiday feel like one.

Prep Time: 15 min | Cook Time: 12 min | Total Time: 27 min | Servings: 4

Ingredients

1 1/2 lbs ground beef (80/20 blend)
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
1 teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon onion powder
1/2 teaspoon smoked paprika
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper (or more to taste)
1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
4 slices pepper jack cheese
4 brioche or potato buns, split
2 tablespoons butter, softened
Toppings: sliced jalapeños, lettuce, tomato, red onion, mayonnaise or spicy aioli

Instructions

Mix the patties. In a large bowl, combine ground beef, Worcestershire sauce, garlic powder, onion powder, smoked paprika, cayenne, red pepper flakes, salt, and black pepper. Mix gently with your hands until just combined — do not overwork. Divide into 4 equal portions and form into 3/4-inch-thick patties. Press a slight indent into the center of each to prevent puffing.
Heat the grill. Preheat a gas or charcoal grill to medium-high heat (about 400°F). Clean and oil the grates well.
Grill the burgers. Place patties on the grill and cook undisturbed for 4–5 minutes. Flip once and cook another 3–4 minutes for medium, or until internal temperature reaches 160°F. In the last minute of cooking, lay a slice of pepper jack on each patty, close the grill lid, and let the cheese melt fully.
Toast the buns. Spread butter on the cut sides of the buns. Place face-down on the grill for 1–2 minutes until golden. Watch closely — they go fast.
Build and serve. Layer each bun with your chosen toppings. Serve immediately off the grill.

Nutrition (per serving)

Spicy Cheeseburgers — The Burger David Didn’t Want (But Would Have Eaten Anyway)