Summer Vegetable Medley

Luis Jr. got into a fight at school. Not a big fight — no blood, no suspensions — but a fight. Another boy said something about immigrants and Luis Jr., whose mother came across the bridge and whose father's parents came across the bridge, decided that the appropriate response was to push the boy into a locker. The school called. I left the bakery at noon — left Graciela in charge, which I have never done for more than ten minutes — and drove to Bel Air High School and sat in the vice principal's office and listened to a man in a tie explain that \\"physical altercation is not an acceptable response to verbal provocation\\" and I wanted to say: you are correct, and also, if someone tells my son that his mother doesn't belong here, I understand why he pushed.

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I did not say this. I said: I am sorry, it won't happen again. Because that is what you say. That is what immigrant mothers say in offices with men in ties — I am sorry, it won't happen again — because we have learned that anger is a luxury we cannot afford and politeness is the price of staying.

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In the car on the way home, Luis Jr. stared out the window and said nothing. I drove for five minutes in silence and then I said: \\"Mijo, what he said was wrong. And what you did was wrong. And both things can be true at the same time.\\" He nodded. He didn't look at me. He is fifteen and fifteen is the age when boys stop looking at their mothers because looking means feeling and feeling is terrifying when you are fifteen and angry and you don't know what to do with the anger except push someone into a locker.

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I told Luis when he got home. Luis was quiet for a long time and then he said, \\"I'll talk to him.\\" And he did. I don't know what they said — it happened in the garage, the way father-son conversations happen in garages, between wrenches and oil stains and the kind of male silence that is actually a language — but Luis Jr. came out looking calmer, and Luis came out looking tired, and I made dinner and we didn't talk about it again because sometimes the best thing you can do with a hard day is feed it and let it rest.

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At the bakery this week, I started experimenting with a new recipe — empanadas de calabaza, pumpkin empanadas with a touch of cinnamon and piloncillo. It is not Rosa's recipe. It is mine. The first recipe I have created myself, not inherited, not remembered, but invented, and the act of inventing felt strange and liberating, like writing a sentence in a language I have been reading all my life but never spoken. The empanadas were good. Not perfect — the dough was a little thick, the filling needed more cinnamon — but good. Sofia tasted one and said, \\"These are yours, Mamá, not Abuela's.\\" She meant it as a compliment. I took it as one.

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Rosa called on Sunday. She sounded weaker. She asked about the bakery, the children, the weather in El Paso. She did not mention her health. I did not ask. We are both pretending that pretending is the same as hoping, and maybe it is. Maybe hope is just pretending with your eyes closed and your hands folded.

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I lit candles at Mass. For Javier. For Rosa. For Luis Jr. and his anger, which is really my anger, which is really the anger of every person who has crossed a bridge and been told they should go back. I prayed not for the anger to go away but for the wisdom to carry it without letting it carry me. That is the prayer of an immigrant mother. Not \\"fix this\\" but \\"help me hold this.\\"

But not everything that heals you has to be sweet. The morning after Mass, I stood in the kitchen and did not reach for flour or piloncillo. I reached for zucchini, for yellow squash, for a red bell pepper so bright it looked like it was arguing with the sun. Sometimes after all that heaviness — Rosa’s voice on the phone, the candles still smoking in my mind — what you need is not comfort food but clarity food: something crisp, something colorful, something that asks nothing of you except a sharp knife and a little butter. This summer vegetable medley is that kind of dish, the kind that reminds you the world is still producing beautiful things even when your heart is tired.

Prep Time: 45 min | Cook Time: 15 min | Total Time: 1 hr | Servings: 6

Ingredients

1 pound of zucchini (2-3 medium squash)
1 pound of yellow squash (2-3 medium squash)
8 ounces carrot (1-2 medium carrots)
8 ounces red bell pepper (chose one large thick-walled red bell pepper)
2-4 ounces red onion (about one quarter of an onion)
12 tablespoons butter (1 1/2 sticks), divided
1 teaspoon kosher salt

Instructions

Trim the vegetables. Trim carrot by cutting off each end and peeling. Trim squash by trimming off each end. Trim pepper by cutting off top and bottom, cutting in half top to bottom and removing seeds and membranes. Trim onion by cutting in half top to bottom and peeling and cutting off root and stem.
Julienne the carrots, zucchini, and squash. Julienne carrots, zucchini and summer squash using the julienne blade of your mandolin. If you only have a hand mandolin for slicing, place blade on the thinnest setting and using the finger guard, cut the three vegetables in half then lay the half down on its side and slice. Stack the slices and use a sharp knife to cut into thin strips. If you do not own a mandolin, slice a thin slice off one side of each vegetable then roll them over on that side so they sit flat. Then using a long sharp knife, slice from one side to the other, stack then slice the other way.
Julienne the bell pepper. Slice off a bit of the top and bottom then cut in half from top to bottom. Pick out seeds and cut off white membrane. Lay the half out flat and slice into thin strips.
Julienne the onion. Cut in half from top to bottom. Trim off skin, root and stem. Use mandolin to slice into thin slices placing the cut side down towards the mandolin. Any slices that do not pull apart into strips can be further cut with the knife. If using just the knife, lay one flat end on your board and cut into thin strips top to bottom.
Sauté each vegetable separately. Heat a large saute pan over medium heat and melt 1 1/2 tablespoons of the butter and saute each vegetable for three minutes each, using 1 1/2 tablespoons of butter for each.
Combine and finish. Place remaining butter back into saute pan and add all of the vegetables along with salt and heat just to melt the butter and heat the vegetables.
Serve immediately.

Nutrition (per serving)

Summer Vegetable Medley — The Bright, Simple Thing I Needed After a Hard Week