By Birthday week proper. Turned fifty-four on Wednesday, March 30. Connie made meatloaf — my favorite, always has been, don't ask me why because I don't have a poetic answer. It's ground beef and ketchup and an egg and breadcrumbs and onion, baked until the top gets that glaze, and it's the food I want when I want to feel like the world hasn't changed even when it has. She made mashed potatoes and green beans from a can and I ate at the table like a civilized person and she sang happy birthday badly, which is the only way she sings, and I loved every flat note.
Amber called from the hospital on her break. She's twenty-five now and three years into nursing and talks about patients with a competence that makes me proud and a tiredness that makes me worried. She said happy birthday, Daddy, and asked about my back and I lied and said it's better because you don't burden your daughter with your vertebrae when she's already carrying a hospital on hers. She said she'd come visit next weekend. I said I'd smoke ribs. She said deal.
Clay didn't call. He texted — happy birthday dad — lowercase, no period, which is how Clay communicates: the minimum number of characters to convey the maximum sincerity. He's nine months sober and still going to the Thursday group and still seeing Dr. Rivera and I count every day the way a man counts money he can't afford to lose. I texted back thanks son. Two texts. Six words total. That's a Hensley conversation.
Made myself a bourbon pecan pie Thursday because it's my birthday week and I can do what I want. Betty never made bourbon pecan pie — she was Pentecostal and bourbon was the devil's water, though I suspect she used it in her fruitcake and just didn't call it by name. My recipe: Karo syrup, brown sugar, eggs, butter, vanilla, a good pour of Maker's Mark, and a pound of pecans from the bag Connie bought at Costco. Poured into a pie crust I made from scratch because I have nothing but time now and pie crust takes time. Baked until the center was set but still had a little jiggle. The bourbon bakes off mostly but leaves behind a warmth that's not heat, it's memory. I ate a slice at ten PM on the couch and thought: fifty-four isn't bad. I've outlived the mines and the collapse and my own stubbornness and I'm eating pie in a warm house with a woman who loves me in the next room. That'll do.
The bourbon pecan pie needed a proper home, and I had the time to give it one. That’s the thing about not being in a hurry anymore — pie crust stops being a shortcut decision and starts being the point. I’ve included the crust recipe here because it’s the part that takes patience, and patience was what I had most of that Thursday night, standing in a warm kitchen at fifty-four with nowhere to be.
The Perfect Pie Crust
Prep Time: 15 min | Cook Time: 0 min (blind bake 15–20 min if needed) | Total Time: 1 hr 15 min (includes chill time) | Servings: 1 single 9-inch crust (double recipe for a full double-crust pie)
Ingredients
- 1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- 1/2 teaspoon sugar
- 1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, very cold, cut into 1/2-inch cubes
- 3 to 4 tablespoons ice water
Instructions
- Mix the dry ingredients. Whisk together the flour, salt, and sugar in a large bowl until evenly combined.
- Cut in the butter. Add the cold butter cubes to the flour mixture. Using a pastry cutter or your fingertips, work the butter into the flour until the mixture resembles coarse crumbs with some pea-sized pieces of butter remaining. Those butter chunks are what make the crust flaky — don’t overwork it.
- Add the ice water. Drizzle in 3 tablespoons of ice water, one tablespoon at a time, tossing the dough with a fork after each addition. The dough should just come together when you squeeze a handful — if it’s still crumbly, add the remaining tablespoon. Stop as soon as it holds.
- Form and chill. Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured surface and press it into a flat disk. Wrap tightly in plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least 1 hour, or up to 2 days. Do not skip the chill — it relaxes the gluten and keeps the fat cold, which is everything.
- Roll it out. On a lightly floured surface, roll the dough from the center outward, turning a quarter turn after each pass, until you have a roughly 12-inch circle about 1/8-inch thick.
- Transfer to the pie plate. Gently fold the dough in half, lift it into a 9-inch pie plate, and unfold. Press it loosely into the bottom and sides without stretching. Trim any overhang to about 1 inch, then fold it under itself and crimp the edges as you like.
- Fill or blind bake. For a filled pie like bourbon pecan, add your filling directly and bake according to the filling recipe. For a pre-baked shell, line the crust with parchment, fill with pie weights or dried beans, and bake at 375°F for 15 minutes. Remove weights and bake 5 more minutes until just golden.
Nutrition (per serving, 1/8 of crust)
Calories: 160 | Protein: 2g | Fat: 10g | Carbs: 15g | Fiber: 0g | Sodium: 115mg